What happens on tour stays on tour? Rubbish - Read all about it here.

Jags devasted at failing the breathalyser on the 1st.

In an effort to improve the Titans visibility abroad, Tour director Will Smith was asked to include a Match on foreign soil. A scotsman to the last, Will sought to contain costs by travelling a couple of miles into Wales. Celtic Manor was the venue of what has become known as the Welsh Wipeout. The TitansTalker gives his apologies for the late issue of this update but sources close to the Prez have confirmed that he only sobered up 2 days ago.

Day 1 of the tour featured a warm up event on the Roman Road course where Graham was the winner. Unfortunately for Graham there was no prize money to be had but all of the Titans reported fondly on the hills, the lightning fast greens and the hills (again). They returned happy and hungry to the Coldra Court Hotel which was to be a suitable venue for the Titans Feast.

A moderate (Ed - Moderately excessive?) amount of wine was consumed over a very fine dinner. but then Captains Leungs devious plan to secure some easy Titans dollars was unveiled. He chose not to stay overnight but he did (generously?) send down a magnificent bottle of the finest Scottish Malt. Despite being an abstemious lot, the Titans thought it necessary to toast the Captain in his absence and so the delicious malt was finished off in 5 minutes.

Thanks Mark for the wonderful winners prize

What a magnificent dram. What a lot of damage done!

Naturally this set the Titans up for the night and more weak beer, and very few double shots were consumed (Mark's wallet may tell a different story and Azims wallet has yet to be found!). Greg carried the last of the stragglers (Azim) to his room at about 2.30am (very approximately)

What followed the next day was shameful:

• The rabble assembled, slowly and shakily in the breakfast room the next morning. Some ate a lot, many ate very little.
• Mark's hangover was so bad that it required three pre-match  brandies to cure it. Some expressed surprise that he appeared to fall over a couple of times during the round. 
• Shockingly Two Jags was breathalysed  on the 1st tee and found to be three times over the Celtic Manor limit. He is now known as one Jag. As this was happening many other Titans were seen to chuck their keys into the adjacent bushes. 
• The winning score was shockingly low. Indeed it is suspected to be the lowest winning score in Titans history - 26
• But worst of all was the discovery that Captain Leungs bid to win easy cash at the expense of the health of his poisoned Titans comrades was foiled by the Welsh police who stopped him him for doing 120mph on the Severn Bridge but also discovered a written victory speech in his golf bag. He was detained and jailed for 3 days. The Titans disciplinary committee will sit soon to decide what they should do. Impeachment is an option but the rumour mill has it that the whiskey  and the craic was so good that he will probably be rewarded with a promotion!

And what about the scores? Recovering swiftly from an alcoholic haze, one Jag seized victory with 26 point and won the magnificent pork pie cooked for the occasion (Thanks Mark). Will was second with 25 and Phil did well to secure 3rd place with 22 points. This was a score that would normally secure Magni but that was won by Azim with a dozen points.

Will picked up NP and LD, Jag got NP and Graham won the other LD. Teetotal Mark (Ed - Do you mean tettering?) managed to just avoid Magni but he did win the Money Hole to repair some of the financial damage incurred over the weekend.

The two guests Nigel and Tim got a fascinating insight into the ways of the Titans and Tim just managed to pip the guest prize from Nigel by just 14 points.

​What a brilliant weekend - does anyone remember it?