At sunny Pyrfect Pyrford on The Captains "independence day" a new Titans Superstar was unveiled. Kam Chaturachindra arrived with a full bag of sparkling new golf equipment (Putter like Thors Hammer, 3 iron like a plough, Sonar for finding underwater balls, remote underwater vehicles for recovering said balls etc.) But he certainly knew how to employ all these tools as he powered his way around an almost immaculate Pyrford Golf Club for a stunning Tour Debut Victory with 32 points. The Titans statistician will have to spend months working out if this has happened before but it might take more than that as he hasn't been seen for years.
Nice trophy but nothing to fill it with?
As spectacular as that victory was, it couldn't eclipse the other two momentous aspects of the day.
A thoughtfully toasted and generously buttered soft bap was crammed with a bountiful bacon bonanza of lean, well cooked rashers. There was a small mention of dissatisfaction from Charles who would have preferred a little more bacon fat! But the general consensus was one of enjoyment and delight. 8/10".
- Captain Tod Trump America Lockard VII laid out a smorgasbord of US delights for his captains day and
- Pyrford have obviously heard about the Titans campaign to improve golf club catering as they provided one of the best bacon baps on tour.
A thoughtfully toasted and generously buttered soft bap was crammed with a bountiful bacon bonanza of lean, well cooked rashers. There was a small mention of dissatisfaction from Charles who would have preferred a little more bacon fat! But the general consensus was one of enjoyment and delight. 8/10".
Pyrford provided a top notch bap
And Captain America laid on an extra special treat as Donald Trump flew in to support America's finest golfer on his special day. And a new competition format was introduced. Each team of 4 was issued with a special ball - not to be lost. Each player had to play the ball for at least 4 holes (in theory). All points scored using the ball produced the team score. This competition was won by Team Trump who amassed 14pts before losing the ball.
Trump at the first tee
Top points for effort went to Team Clinton whose team Captain GMc took responsibility on the first and pulled it hard left. A 5 minute search finally found the ball. Then on hole 3 David "Keano" Keane plopped it into the deep water. Newbie Kam then deployed his sonar equipped RV in a frantic search for the ball. In scenes reminiscent of "Das Boot" the team were gasping for air when eventually the ball was found. Cheers arose from the 20,000 spectators as Keano salvaged an amazing 5 for the hole. Team Clinton amassed 11 pts before hapless GMc finally succeeded in losing it on 8.
 Deploy Sonar and RV |  Team Clinton live to fight another day. |
In yet another foray into the long grass hunting golf balls we came across this familiar looking gentleman out beating for grouse on his estate. Great to see the simple country folk gainfully employed.
A hard days grouse beating.
It is great to see that the Titans are doing their bit to pull Britain out of the post Brexit economic bunker. Callaway have announced the opening of a new golf ball factory near the Titans spiritual home after hearing the news that close to 100 golf balls have been lost by the Titans in the last two outings. Callaway vice president Lockard showed his gratitude to the biggest contributor Greg McErlean by presenting him with special ball finder glasses. Greg showed his contempt for this suggestion by promptly launching into a very bad Stevie Wonder impression.
If Stevie Wonder could see this he would cry. Beneath the shades, having lost 10 balls, Greg is also crying.
So Kam managed to win himself yet another one shot handicap cut as a result of his victory but what of the other Titans. The General Lee (US theme still working) was a very close second with 31 points and Paul Tennant was third on 30pts. In a close fought countback for the remaining 3 places, Keith (29pts) was just edged out by Sam Dunkley in 6th, who in turn was edged out by the Prez (5th) who has shaded by David "Keano" Keane.
After a perfect layup on 18 (Ed - we know better), Keano swings on plane with his trusty 5 wood. Ultimately helping him to a well earned 4th place.
In the small prizes Greedy Kam also picked up NP and LD, Phil got the other LD, Captain America won NP2 and Keith won the money hole.
If Heineken designed golf days out they would have designed this perfect day out for the Titans. Well organised Tod - but hose shorts are now officially banned!!
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