What a strange weather year it has been. The early season saw copious amounts of snow and then for many months the rain departed leaving Titans to play on the parched fairways (if they were lucky) of England. It had to end sometime and so it pi$$ed down on the famous 11 that took to the Hazlemere pitch today. However Hazelmere itself was a hit. As Prez said he would like to return to play it in good weather. Magni winner Alan agreed that it would be great to play it with  less rain, less wind and smaller hills - someone had a bad round??

Whilst most languished in the 20's the new Titans golfing sensation, Wren Mott-ivator showed how it should be done. He took to the skies with soaring irons whilst the rest slapped the ball around at heights that threatened more worms than birds. 32 points in difficult conditions was a great return and will earn him a healthy cut.

the also-rans were evenly spread out with Keith in 2nd (27 pts), Tod 3rd (using Magni widely to score 26 pts), Alex 4th (25), Eric 5th (24) and Charles 6th on count back (23). Alan was a clear winner of Magni. Eric won NP2, Tod won the money, Alex snatched LD (12+) and Pat won the professionals LD and the NP. I hear you asking why he was not in the top 6? His last 6 scores were 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 1. With finishing like that he should be playing for Leeds Utd next year.

And one final thing. Phil can often be heard moaning about the quality of the submitted scorecards and threatening to disqualify the unfortunates. Well how the mighty fall. Forgetting that he was  playing off 11 not 20, he took a point too much at the 17th and signed for the wrong score.  The card was corrected and still Phil did not appear in the winners enclosure!

The Moroccan Marauder King Ali returned to enormous acclaim and love but forgot the purple shirt and so his score was not registered. Are the Titans racist? And only 4 other Titans were there to welcome him back. Again are the Titans racist?

And where were all the Englishmen? The line-up consisted to two Americans, one Moroccan, an Irishman and a taff! Were you really expecting to get to the World Cup Final?

Harleyford was tough - fast running greens and fairways, impossible rough, three putts galore. But some players shone bright, and then spluttered out. Fast starting Pete ate two bacon butties and hit 20 points on the front but then dehydrated in the sunshine to score 28. Wren was consistent hitting long irons and wedges to the greens and carded 29points. But Phil outshone them all and hit 30 points which is very impressive given the conditions and his very low handicap.

But is the story of the day about Tod who continues his love affair with hairy Magni? Tod carded a disappointing 23 points but the rumour mill suggests that he really wants to retain Magni. Three consecutive wins (losses?) means he keeps Magni? IOC Officials are calling yet another emergency meeting to discuss.

Wren and Phil won LD as some stray leaves apparently slowed up Tod’s otherwise impressive drive. But Tod did manage to pick up the NP prize although the competition was lacking. Phil lost two balls and still didn’t get over the ditch.

It's a crazy, crazy world but with a small band of Titans losing on average 5 balls each on this tricky golf course, it was a hell of a surprise to discover that Tod only managed to lose one, but still end up winning Magni. Tod's ball striking was magnificent at times, with one beautifully struck 4 iron drawing gently round a left hand dogleg only to bounce hard on the rock hard fairways and travel 230 yards+ into the cross ditch! Unlucky.

But it was a round for the Journeyman to shine as Greg laid out a strategy of losing multiple balls on the blobbed holes yet managing to get a lot of pars on the non-blob holes! Graham gave him a run for his money with a strong 18 points on the back 9, and he also won LD, NP and the £ hole. Keith was in 3rd place with 26 points and he also picked up the LD and NP2 Prizes. Tod won Magni. So the top 3 places and all of the minor prizes were won by the first 4 ball - suspicious?

Pyrford was in a very dehydrated state yet the lakes were still full and the rough was very rough having been left long for the club championships. The very friendly starter reminded us that the vast array of sand in front of the par 3 6th hole was not in fact a bunker but was instead a "sand shelf" and so your club could be grounded in it. However as can be seen from the photos, it was extremely difficult to distinguish the sand from the fairways, or indeed the rough. The second 4 ball found the going tough. They even got lost at the 12th hole and were playing the 15th instead when the first group shouted that they were playing the wrong hole. This was a real shame for Wren who was holding a superb finishing pose after having smashed his drive almost to the green but yet was being verbally assaulted!  

This 4 ball also included Chris "Sandy" Holland who moaned that the fairways were not lined to see his wondrous display of bunker shots. He was having so much fun with these shots that on one hole he just started showboating by hitting his drive into one bunker, then splashing his second shot into another bunker, splashing his third into yet another bunker, but then showed that he was human after all by missing the next bunker by inches. Good attempt though by a true sand specialist.

Robert Redford demonstrates the right way of exiting a bunker following tuition from Sandy Holland. The secret is to play it really slowly.

And finally a true Nordic Titan conquers all before him. Eriks magnificent 31 point total at a very tricky new venue, Haste Hill, has allowed his name to be entered onto the Valhalla 2018 Hall of Fame.  He narrowly beat Sam's competitive 30 points. But was Sam's role as the Titans Litter Attache a distraction too far?

Todtastic Lockard came in 3rd with just 26pts showing what a tough track this was, closely followed by Will on 25 points who unwisely beat the current tour leader Prez on count back. Not a good career move Will.

Erik the Viking also plundered the small prizes picking up LD and NP2. Nick won NP.

Oh and what about Haste Hill as a tour venue? The general consensus was that it was a good challenge but there were niggles too. The bunkers were a little untidy, there was a lot of litter about (ask the Litter Attache!) and the bacon baps arrived as the first group was leaving the first tee. I shall say nothing about the gents toilets! However the baps were very good - 8/10.  Views on whether we should play here again should be sent to the IOC. ​