Temple was described by someone who played as "A bit tough but in great condition. The greens were as true as any we have seen this year."

• A brilliant back nine by Dave Keane (20!) saw him win in fine style
• Similar for Charles with 19 on the back nine - pity about the first nine though! He secured 5th place
• and what a surprise, Phil Schick managed a second place!
• Will was 3rd, James 4th and Graham 6th

• Bacon rolls were OK but baps were soggy and bacon was not crisp. In the view of the standing Titans Talker a score of 5 
• However Sandwiches and chips to end - clearly a must course for the future!

On a beautiful day in the mountains of Wycombe, a lonely plaintive Scottish refrain was heard drifting across the valleys. The red kites circled overhead in tribute to this heart rending tale of sorrow.
 
"Oh my handicap is too low, too low.
My handicap is too low"
 
Tears were dropping from the eyes of those vulturist birds and many a Titans eyes were also "greeting" (Scottish for pi$$ing down)!
 
And it was with slumped shoulders that poor hard done by James McIntyre (McIntyre translates from the Gallic as "son of the scratch golfer" ) set off on his voyage of discovery. Finding plentiful pars out on the course, poor James arrived at the 18th having gathered 35pts to win from Paul Tennant in second place (34 pts).
 
Only the fact that he is a fine generous person and an excellent past captain will save him from a media savaging. And the further 1 shot cut will appease his fellow Titans who wasted precious tears on the first tee.  But in scenes reminiscent of Caddyshack, the red kites were tougher to appease as at his moment of glory as they swooped to take him away for a good seeing to.

David Keane’s precious 7 wood was saved but all that is left of poor Jamesy were a few shitty pellets with flecks of bone, purple and tartan strewn over the scene of his last triumph. In Chrissie Hynde’s famous words “its time for you to stop all of your sobbing”.  A memorial service will be held once John Rodrigues has picked up enough of poor Jamesy to fill an ash tray.  In the meantime let’s remember James in this last ever photo of him!

David Keane was third with 31pts on countback from the Prez. David – never incur the displeasure of the Prez by doing this.  If in doubt – blob the last hole.  Alan was 5th with 30 pts and Sam 6th with 29pts.
 
Spare a thought also for the poor scorer who shall remain nameless. Slaving over the Titans scoring super-computer, the scorer was approached by Phil Schick who said “I have had my worst score ever, I must be easily last.” Imagine what Phil must have felt like when the scorer said “In your dreams son – I had 4 points less than that.”  The Schikster felt cheated – He is very used to missing out on top position by one, but he even misses out on bottom position by one as well!
 
Captain Tod is showing a return to form as he won NP and the money hole, Alan and David won the long drive prizes, Paul won the NP2 and who won the VP sponsored NP2 on the 18th?  VP of course, continuing a fine tradition of winning his own prizes – Give the rest of us a chance!
 
And finally in the Titans campaign to improve the quality of Britain's golfing bacon butties, Wycombe Heights were decidedly average - scoring 5. However the course was in very good condition with super fast greens – 7.

PS – apologies for the late delivery of this report. The TitansTalker had to secure permission to publish from the family of the late great Jamesy. Or was it that the TitansTalker was suffering from PGTS (Post Golf Tragedy Syndrome) - not the demise of the ex-Captain but rather the complete loss of the few golfing skills the TitansTalker once had.

It really was a couple of quick rounds with the starting three-ball in at close to 60 minutes and the four-ball not more than ten minutes longer. Congratulations for that to all as well as to the winners - Hely and Dave.

However, the fine weather didn't seem to improve the golf as there were no birdies, no NP and the charities gained £7.

We welcomed Andrew Aitken back from his holiday in Australia - he claims he lives there - and this time Jenny Aitken came along to see what all the fuss was about. Jenny would have won the day too!

At sunny Pyrfect Pyrford on The Captains "independence day" a new Titans Superstar was unveiled. Kam Chaturachindra arrived with a full bag of sparkling new golf equipment (Putter like Thors Hammer, 3 iron like a plough, Sonar for finding underwater balls, remote underwater vehicles for recovering said balls etc.)  But he certainly knew how to employ all these tools as he powered his way around an almost immaculate Pyrford Golf Club for a stunning Tour Debut Victory with 32 points. The Titans statistician will have to spend months working out if this has happened before but it might take more than that as he hasn't been seen for years.

As spectacular as that victory was, it couldn't eclipse the other two momentous aspects of the day. 
 

1. Captain Tod Trump America Lockard VII laid out a smorgasbord of US delights for his captains day and
2. Pyrford have obviously heard about the Titans campaign to improve golf club catering as they provided one of the best bacon baps on tour.

Prez said this of the baps - "A brilliant Titans Captains day was blessed with one of the finest bacon baps of the 2016 tour from the good people of the Pyrford kitchen.
A thoughtfully toasted and generously buttered soft bap was crammed with a bountiful bacon bonanza of lean, well cooked rashers. There was a small mention of dissatisfaction from Charles who would have preferred a little more bacon fat! But the general consensus was one of enjoyment and delight. 8/10".

And Captain America laid on an extra special treat as Donald Trump flew in to support America's finest golfer on his special day. And a new competition format was introduced. Each team of 4 was issued with a special ball - not to be lost. Each player had to play the ball for at least 4 holes (in theory). All points scored using the ball produced the team score. This competition was won by Team Trump who amassed 14pts before losing the ball.

Top points for effort went to Team Clinton whose team Captain GMc took responsibility on the first and pulled it hard left. A 5 minute search finally found the ball. Then on hole 3 David "Keano" Keane plopped it into the deep water. Newbie Kam then deployed his sonar equipped RV in a frantic search for the ball. In scenes reminiscent of "Das Boot" the team were gasping for air when eventually the ball was found. Cheers arose from the 20,000 spectators as Keano salvaged an amazing 5 for the hole. Team Clinton amassed 11 pts before hapless GMc finally succeeded in losing it on 8.

In yet another foray into the long grass hunting golf balls we came across this familiar looking gentleman out beating for grouse on his estate. Great to see the simple country folk gainfully employed. 

It is great to see that the Titans are doing their bit to pull Britain out of the post Brexit economic bunker. Callaway have announced the opening of a new golf ball factory near the Titans spiritual home after hearing the news that close to 100 golf balls have been lost by the Titans in the last two outings. Callaway vice president Lockard showed his gratitude to the biggest contributor Greg McErlean by presenting him with special ball finder glasses.  Greg showed his contempt for this suggestion by promptly launching into a very bad Stevie Wonder impression.

So Kam managed to win himself yet another one shot handicap cut as a result of his victory but what of the other Titans. The General Lee (US theme still working) was a very close second with 31 points and Paul Tennant was third on 30pts.  In a close fought countback for the remaining  3 places, Keith (29pts) was just edged out by Sam Dunkley in 6th, who in turn was edged out by the Prez (5th) who has shaded by David "Keano" Keane.

In the small prizes Greedy Kam also picked up NP and LD, Phil got the other LD, Captain America won NP2 and Keith won the money hole.

If Heineken designed golf days out they would have designed this perfect day out for the Titans.  Well organised Tod - but hose shorts are now officially banned!! 

Jane decided it was warm enough to play for the first time this 'summer' and Sam came back (no pun intended) from claiming a problem with the posterior aspect of his trunk (osteopath fixed that)!

One way or another they both managed a win.

​Jane is now at risk of a dual attack from the 'Ladies' leaders who thought they were both going to have it all their own way this year.

Sam is likely to be less at risk from the gentlemen as there is less of a challenge at the top of the men's leaderboard.

​Kam has taken a lead (but not a commanding one) at the top of the NP list - the Ladies are yet to score (saves the expense of another prize)!