It was windy and cold at Hoebridge today but the course played magnificently well. There was muttering in the Titans ranks as yet another Titan (James McIntyre) shot 40 points to win. The handicapper was asked to commit Hari Kari but gently declined. 

But the Titans Talker can exclusively reveal how the Titans Jimmy Frankie lookalike did it when all other Titans were faltering in the wind.  Just think about Woosie winning the Masters, or GMac (not the Titan) winning at windy Pebble Beach. Titans motormouth Holland shouted out the answer during a post match awards ceremony and We can now reveal how he did it. Canny James just kept kitting the ball into low lying parts of the course and a combination of short stature and tall hills meant that the hurricane winds just blew over him leaving his shots unaffected!

In Second place was cunning Sam Dunkley who has been coached in the fine arts of handicap protection by the expert at this - Phil Schick.  So Sam picks up his usual wedge of money and protects his handicap again. Pat Carr shot a brilliant 32 points and shot some angry daggers at VP Lee for his awesome NP2 selection!

The master money grabber Schick misjudged his usual last three hole collapse to protect his handicap by inadvertently collapsing at the 11th! But he still managed to beat Will Smith into 5th. VP Lee consoled himself with 6th place knowing now that he will never be president until he selects a NP2 that the Prez can reach in two - look out for a 130 yard NP2 anytime soon.  Needless to say no-one won NP2 and no-one could get on the money hole either! 

Pat Carr got NP, Matt Bassano LD (18+) and VP Lee won the LD (1-17) with a humungous drive despite taking a 8 foot divot!

 . . . playing in the same group, Jenny Lawrence and Graham Nash swopped tips to drive each other to win this morning's duel at Dukes.

Graham took all the points on offer as would have Jenny if she hadn't hit too good a shot on the 9th (straight through to the back of the green!).

Otherwise a mixed bag of scores from 32 through to 46!. Surprisingly few birdies - one for the Ladies and two for the Men.

Great to see a large turnout - 19 Titans and one guest - on a pretty cool but sunny morning. The course was in pretty good condition given that the crows were back!

Hail Prez, whose art is heaven
Beloved is his name 
Thy cavalcade come
Thy will be done
As it is in Carvossi's   (traditional IOC year end meeting venue)
 
Give us this day our only par
And forgive us our wild slices
And forgive those who slice against us
And lead us not into 41 point temptation 
But deliver us from the old coot

Amen

Pat Carr back from his travels (or was it travails?) to Singapore, claiming jet lag for his miserly Gross of 29 won yet again. How Mako won was another story A Gross of 43 surely proves that it ain't over until the '*** lady sings'. Congratulations to both

​Also con grats. to Graham for just pipping Azim to the NP. The Par 3 Director had to toe tap his way to show a half-shoe difference. Good thing they were 'fairy footsteps' as he had to walk over everyone else's putting lines!

​As for the rest - more scores not to be mentioned!

1980's bouffant welsh snooker wizard and Titans legend Terry "Wyn" Griffiths returned for his annual smash and grab at a Titans Major. Looking tanned and up for it after (allegedly) a week at the Butch Harmon School of Golf, he swept aside the opposition with an imperious display of precision golf and 31 points at a pleasant Wycombe Heights. It would have been nice to present him with the trophy but 2015 winner Will Smith wanted to hold onto it and left it at home!

Current Champions Tour leader Alan "Hurricane" Lee cemented his top position with a 29 pt second place. Graham "Bish Bash" Nash secured 3rd with 28 points and picked up the NP prize as well. The inept Titans men failed to score on the NP2 but Tod and Andrew picked up the LD prizes. Paul T won the Money Hole. Manny Rayment won the guest prize in a hard fought competition with - himself! He also gained huge thanks from the assembled titans by lowering the average age by at least 10 years.

The ladies competition was won by Lady Annabelle Smith-McArber who celebrated her recent gaining of a Scottish passport by terrorising the golf course with aggressive but controlled golf and slugging gallons of Irn Bru. Congratulation Annabelle.

This Blog is not big enough to log all the strange events that happened out on the golf course today but here is a selection:

• One Male Titan drove off at the difficult 7th and ended up in the trees. He gamely tried to smack the ball out and it hit a tree and bounced  back onto the Tee - stand up and take a bow Mr Cooke.
• Lady Annabelle tried to take the pressure off embattled Greg McErlean by also trying to take out James "Ball Magnet" McIntyre with a well directed pitch shot that caught fellow scot McIntyre in the derriere.
• And what was Rita doing when exiting the 16th green for the adjacent 17th tee. A reliable report says that she led her 4 ball off on the now infamous "Death March of Wycombe Heights" taking them through dense jungle, a football pitch. Rumour has it that she and her golf trolley emerged covered in Ivy.
• And - Andrew Cooke arrived on time!! 

It was really poor - 4/10.
Bacon was quite fatty and not well cooked.  The bap was stale or poorly toasted.
A great day at Wycombe Height but the baps need to improve!

There is a saying that "When the cats away, the mouse will act as a rat."  So with Prez Walters away east to consult with his moustachioed handlers, President wannabe McErlean took the presidential stage to announce the Winners of the Merrist Wood event. All was going well until he announced VP Lee as the winner with an incredible 41 points. And then the cry went up -"But what about Paul Tennant?".  And with that Greg produced the Brutus Dagger and fell on it - to dramatically end his presidential campaign a mere 5 minutes after starting it.  In failing to acknowledge Paul's also magnificent 31 points he had:

• Denied Alan his moment of adulation
• Denied Will the chance to earn money in 6th place
• and completely ignored Paul's right to second place!

However more importantly Alan's performance was astounding given the Somme like conditions encountered out on the course with vast tracts fenced off as Ground under Repair, Bunkers with little sand in them and the greens in pretty poor condition. A brilliant performance from one of the 2016 pre-tour favourites in very unfavourable conditions. The handicappers knife has been sharpened.

Paul T took 2nd place (eventually), Tod was third with 28 pts, followed by James, Nick and Andre who all also had 28 points.

VP Lee also did his presidential campaign no harm by sponsoring the fearsome 12th hole as the Whisky hole - which Will duly won. Ding dong Bell got a bit greedy and picked up the Money Hole and the NP, whilst Andre hit a magnificent shot to win NP2. Presidential has-been McErlean consoled himself with the Long Drive (0-18) and finally Andrew Cooke  picked up long drive (19+) as a consolation for his curious Pars and Blobs only round!

It was a pretty poor day for Merrist Wood as well. The course was in poor condition and the Bacon Rolls (Chef Bell says that they are more correctly "Dusty Millers") scored only 4 out of 10 on the Titans Rasherometer. Personally I thought Dusty Miller was either a England rugby fullback or that bloke from Camberwick Green.

​As a warm spring like sun rose in the East, the mighty purple army gathered to the Prez’s call to arms by the waters edge at Dukes Meadow.
This was the first day of our par 3 summer tour and we we’re playing off grass tee’s.
Even the putting green was open, such was the day. 
All 18 Titans (No cry off’s) sat in the sun afterwards as Fay gave an emotional announcement of winners.
Rita won ladies on count back from Fay, this battle continues!
Nick Bell won it for the men and Charles got nearest the pin.
And Azim forgot his golf shoes


And the Prez used his superior artistic skills (well superior to his golf anyway) to create this fabulous memory of a fabulous season starter.  Just Click on the image below to see an Oscar contender.