VP Lee wins the Ray Kalnins and doesn't he look pleased
Deeks is presented with the 2017 Champions Trophy by Capt Dunkley
Nina wins everything. Adele and Fay seems happy too
The raucous mens awards were preceded by the utterly professional and slick ladies presentations by Captain Adele Winkley. The principal reason for this was that all of the prizes went to the same person. Nina Humphreys has had another stellar year and she started her round at Temple by smacking a huge drive straight down the fairway putting most of the pathetic men to shame. She won this end of season event and also became the 2017 Ladies Champion by edging Rita "The Judge" Biddulph into second place. Rita has also had a tremendous year. Her second place on the 18 hole tour is magnificent but her astounding performance at the par 3 tour probbaly merits a knighthood - arise Dame Rita The Judge Biddulph.
The now infamous Magni incident
In the most outrageous example of IOC match fixing yet, VP Alan Lee won at gorgeous Temple having benefited from the recently introduced Magni rules (becoming the first person to win it twice). However the soon to be disgraced Lee callously snached the treasured club at the last tour event to gain a critical advantage at the end of tour Ray Kalnins event. He used it mercilessly to plunder the extra shots (1) needed to snatch the trophy from second placed and fellow Leeds United supporter, Pat Carr (Ed - uhm- didn’t he win by 2 shots?). Allegedly the pair had to be separated in the Car Park following a row in which each wanted to play Billy Bremner in the upcoming punchup about who should have won. The Leeds United fanzine (“Nowt wrong with that chin high tackle”) has reported that both players have been banned from the Elland Road ground and that Norman Hunter and Billy Bremner have both favourited the two Titans legends on social media. In response to this emerging crisis the IOC held an emergency COBRA meeting (ed - nice golf reference ) at The Titans emergency response room on the Thames (code name - White Viking). It is rumoured that during a frank (ed - do you mean Frank?) exchange of views Pat Carr was expelled from the IOC. This caused great confusion when it was realised that Pat was not on the IOC, so instead Alan was expelled. Which reminds us of the slogan seen scrawled on the wall of the mens toilet at Pine Ridge - "IOC - Incompetent Organisers of Chaos". #FakeTitansNews
Fan footage shows Carsy lashing out at VP in the car park
Deeks lambasts the world in his acceptance speech. Prez pulls a Deeks face behind his back
And in more serious news - Deeks modestly accepted his Champions Tour 2017 trophy after amassing a huge $5m+ total over the year and this was on the 10th anniversery of his previous win. He has thus become the FIRST person to win the trophy twice. In his acceptance dirge he lambasted the IOC, gloried in demoting the president to second place, laughed at the state of scottish football, lambasted the president again, railed against the handicapping system that was denying him success, attacked the Prez again, a brief mention about Brexit and finally a description of the joys of sharing the presidential buggy. The prez took this all in his stride by moving up the steps behind the moany one and pulling Deeks like gurns. Classy! However it was a great performance through the year by Herr Volters as he smuggled $4.26m out of the IOC coffers. In thrid place was last years champ VP.
Deeks was also third in the Ray Kalnins, 2008 Kalnins champion Tom Bulatovic was fourth and 2015 chap Will Smith was fifth.
Keith won the mens guest prize, Phil NP, Deeks NP2 and the £, Will and Andrew won LD and finally Ali won the Captains Prize.
Deeks was also third in the Ray Kalnins, 2008 Kalnins champion Tom Bulatovic was fourth and 2015 chap Will Smith was fifth.
Keith won the mens guest prize, Phil NP, Deeks NP2 and the £, Will and Andrew won LD and finally Ali won the Captains Prize.
Ali accepts the Diversity award.
Special mentions to:
- Sheik Ali Bakali got a lifetime achievement award for defending the rights of the underpriveleged minorities on condition that he accepts a restraining order at the next end of season event.
- Keith Leung who has arranged the creation of the magnificent mobile mens clubhouse which houses the presentational winners helmet and the wall of fame. The prez described how it had been hewn out of Norwegian Oaks and crafted by an army of purple clad trolls.
- Temple golf club who prepared a testing but fair course specially for this final game and who also laid on an entertaining introduction to the club by one of the members. And to cap it all the banquet was great and the bacon roll was assessed as at least a 9.
The magnificent mobile clubhouse
And so ends a fantastic 2017 playing season. 17 matches at magnificent courses, the Rest of the World still reigning supreme, a wide selection of worthy champions, the Prez soaring like an avenging eagle during his mid season brilliance, the captains generous (Krug) and inspiring (Books) selection of captains prizes and of course continuing friendship amongst a great bunch of people.
Post script - VP and Carsy have made up and VP has been reinstated to the IOC. The Prez continues to fear the grassy knoll.
THE LINE UP
Post script - VP and Carsy have made up and VP has been reinstated to the IOC. The Prez continues to fear the grassy knoll.
THE LINE UP
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